Not to mention that revealing that you have snooped may give HER valid trust issues. Trusting someone is a difficult journey, and you will constantly be plagued with doubts. Just be confident in who you are, because it is much easier to trust someone who looks, talks, and acts like someone who is comfortable in his own skin. In the past year, I have had a bit of experience with dating and casual sex, but I am very inexperienced with that sort of thing, and when I hear a story about anyone else's exploits, I get a huge pang of You're cheating on her, or just doing something innocent-but-absorbing? Make a point of opening up to her and allowing her to see that special side of you. But whenever I get the faintest hint about her sexual past or her views on such things , I remember them forever and interpret them to death, well past the point of gaining useful information from them. Because that's not true. Go in with an open mind. I wish you the best. The more open and honest you are to your girlfriend, the better you will be able to gain her trust. Yes, she has to earn your trust but know that once she does, you have to give your trust to her. It takes a LOT of time to build and earn it, especially from someone you like a lot. I don't mean when your partner lies and says your new haircut "looks amazing" even if it doesn't. Look, it ain't easy. Pointer Three — She loves talking to you about her day When she has nothing to hide from you, she will be tickled pink to talk about her day. Dont overblow it but be truthful about what you feel and how you are trying to overcome them. Think about that for a few minutes. Effective communication is the key to making any relationship thrive. Use your gut with this one. You can't fully commit to a person you don't trust. So why add extra hurt? You do need to get over it, even if you feel like you can't, if you ever want a relationship to last. I enjoy spending time with her, we have similar senses of humour, have good talks and get along great, but I have become a distrustful as our relationship has gone on.
It's good that you recognize this as a problem: I would be concerned that bringing up your issues may make her feel she needs to take ownership of them or have the dynamic of your relationship change. This isn't something that is new to me she has alluded that had a one-night stand after we knew each other, but before we started dating , but it still hit me like a ton of bricks. That you somehow don't or can't measure up to your girlfriend's past? I choose instead to just give my partner the benefit of the doubt, give them some credit, and if they do cheat, I'll deal with it then. Till then, keep all negative words in your mind. You are clearly a flirt and like to flirt but are flighty about committing to something you might have to invest real time in and I think that is your big problem. What are the facts that support AND refute my assumptions? I don't mean when your partner lies and says your new haircut "looks amazing" even if it doesn't. What exactly am I worried that she's doing? Could I believe anything about him if he was such a different creature? I bet some of it was pretty hot too. And thus I was having problems parsing how he could be So Different from me - what other Huge Differences did we have? The closer I feel to my SO and the more secure I feel in the relationship, the less I worry about these things. Be yourself. If she can prove to you and give you valid reasons for her behaving differently, then you have no reason to mistrust her. Counting on someone with all of your heart is terrifying. So, she's out late, and you don't know where, and her texts to you are a bit sparse in number? But if you approach it from the perspective that you can't control yourself, it will not work. I hear all the time that I shouldn't care what people do in the past, it's what they do now that matters. At the very least, you two will be on the same page with what is going through my mind, or better yet, your gut.
Start with yourself. If the answer to the latter is yes, you may want to dig for more information. She can't control what he does, any more than you can control what your friends write to you. That is okay. You do need to beware, though. When you are hiding money from your partner, you are showing, on a certain level, you expect the worst. And even if he is hitting on her, that doesn't mean she's gonna do anything. Pointer Nine — Deliver the genuine compliments Compliments go a long way to making a girl feel good and to gaining her trust. But I don't know if that will do it It was immaturity and the sheer inexplicable difference in two people who otherwise seemed so similar. Make a point of opening up to her and allowing her to see that special side of you. Good luck with this. So really 'getting over it' is actually going to involve quite a bit of personal reflection and work most likely. That said, I would start by telling yourself that this is your problem, and that it doesn't have anything to do with your girlfriend or whether or not she's actually trustworthy. If you think having faith in others is difficult, it might be an extra challenge to have faith in your significant other. You suck at reading people, which makes it all the more worse for you to know whether the new girl in your life is really a gem or a waste of your time. Pointer Twelve — Be smart with your decisions This goes without saying, but it needs to be said anyway. Use these tips to figure out if the girl you want is the trustworthy kind. Basically, there is a part of you that has decided that if she has had one night stands etc and really Pointer Sixteen — Thoughtfully sacrifice for her This is a tough move but can be the icing on the cake when you are looking to have your girlfriend trust you or trust you more. When a person is trustworthy, they can easily be casual and direct. What I'm referring to is if your significant other is lying about things that don't make sense to lie about lying about where he or she was, lying about spending money, lying about his or her past, etc. But it'll be devastating no matter what -- whether I discover it out of the blue, or whether I've spent months agonizing over it, trying to analyse their every act and syllable. Neither one of you are perfect, no one is. For example, I should go out and have one night-stands, sleep with random people, date a lot of people, just so I can't be a hypocrite about it. Part of me thinks the solution is to go out and do these things, because then I can't be a big hypocrite. However, I am very hesitant about my relationship with her.
Pointer Four — Make a point of sharing your life This is a big factor in swaying your girlfriend to trust you with all of herself. This establishes trust and in airing it out, may help you realize it is not as bad as you think it is when it's all fraught inside you - you are jealous over something you have worked up to have this big meaning inside you and it might look more harmless and small if you see it's not a threat once you visibly poke at it and pull it apart. It doesn't matter if it doesn't make any sense - do you think this, deep inside? What kind of assumptions am I making? So the way I see it and I am one of the most jealous people I know Whether or not you want to wash your hands clean of this person is all up to you. I know I have a pretty unhealthy view on these matters, but I really don't know how to change. Tell yourself that and work on sincerely believing it, because it's true. Keep showing her she has nothing to worry about and that you can be trusted, and before you know it, you will reach your goal. If you tell her you are going to pick her up from work at 6, then do it. When a person is trustworthy, they can easily be casual and direct. The best way for you to do that is to obviously show that you care for her. The thing is, a lot of people get jealous occasionally. She really likes me; she's told me that that there was always a "but" with other guys she's dated as in "Well, I like him, BUT She will either respect it and work with you or she won't. Whether that means getting therapy to get it under control or just trying really hard to be more mindful of how you let your feelings affect your behavior, or whatever. But I don't know if that will do it Counting on someone with all of your heart is terrifying. So really 'getting over it' is actually going to involve quite a bit of personal reflection and work most likely. It's not like if someone has had lots of casual sex when they weren't in relationships, they've somehow lost the ability to keep relationship agreements scrupulously. Here are 16 ways to make your girlfriend trust you more. The best way to work around this is to put on hold the trust that you have, temporarily of course, till you know that the new lady in your life is reliable. That you somehow don't or can't measure up to your girlfriend's past? If you've had crappy experiences with other people, you may find it particularly difficult to figure out how to tell if someone is trustworthy. Or done the cheating?
You are afraid that this woman is going to continue having one-night stands while you are together. Conversations with her should be informative and about you, not critical and about her. If the answer to the latter is yes, you may want to dig for more information. Photo by Priscilla Du Preez Trust is one of the secret ingredients to smooth out the bumps in a relationship. Do it in person, so you can have a good read on whether or not he or she is lying, or if the lack of information makes sense. The more you can give her your time, the faster the trust will come. Try to put that thought to the back of your brain. In my opinion if you can get through that discussion with her, that the relationship has the potential of helping you get past this. It really does seem like you want to change but don't know how to change. If the relationship is new, then she is probably thinking the same thing as you are — how do I trust this person? Does it somehow make you want her any less, or any less intensely? We haven't talked about what we are going to do, and we will wait until the last possible minute to do so, partly to enjoy the time we have left, and partly because I think we both know it may be ending. With me, there are no such caveats. Go with it. Romantically, socially, sexually. Trust me, she can smell a fib a mile away. Show her love and care. Pointer Three — She loves talking to you about her day When she has nothing to hide from you, she will be tickled pink to talk about her day. Or done the cheating? The closer I feel to my SO and the more secure I feel in the relationship, the less I worry about these things. When you spend time with her, you are getting to know each other better and that helps her get comfortable to trust you. NEVER read anyone's private messages that are not sent to you. Be patient. You suck at reading people, which makes it all the more worse for you to know whether the new girl in your life is really a gem or a waste of your time. What you say and do will help you succeed, but you still need to give her time to see and decide for herself that you can be trusted. Whether or not you want to wash your hands clean of this person is all up to you.
Romantically, socially, sexually. It might help readjust your expectations a little. A lie is a lie, no matter how big or small. So, as much as possible, show love and care, it will surely be easier for you to make your girl trust you. You could tell her about the kind of things you think she is doing and it might go one way or another. Talk to her about your needs and views, and create an atmosphere that is entirely free of secrets and suspicions. Never expect your girlfriend to trust you if you cannot give honesty to other people, especially to your girl. I've looked at past AskMe threads about this, but many of them have the advice to "Just get over it! Probably another topic for therapy actually. I think she would have told you. The only way to break through this insecurity or worry is to show her love and support always. Eventually, it gets MUCH easier to manage these kinds of feelings. Your recognizing that this is an unhealthy way of viewing relationships is already such a big step, one that many people never even make. And if she doesn't want to be with you knowing that, then you can learn from it, and you can take these lessons going forward, and establish more openness and discussion of these issues right from the start in your next relationship s. Pointer Ten — Just be you This is hard for a lot of men because they want so badly to impress a girl. Most of us have been burned at one time or another with a cheater or someone who broke our heart. What kind of assumptions am I making? The best way to work around this is to put on hold the trust that you have, temporarily of course, till you know that the new lady in your life is reliable. That doesn't mean that you're a bad person for feeling that way, or that you should be able to magically stop being insecure, but redirecting and redifining those feelings can keep you from actually poisoning your relationship. This is one of the best strategies when wanting to know how to trust your girlfriend. I knew he expected that I was already cheating, so it didn't exactly inspire fidelity. That you somehow don't or can't measure up to your girlfriend's past? Like, when I'm really irrationally depressed about something, I can usually find that my depression is rooted in this weird magical thinking idea that if I'm upset enough about something the universe is going to notice that I'm really upset and just fix the problem for me. I wish you the best. Be consistent and reliable. I don't think you can "get over them" until you confront them, but I absolutely realize that is an uncomfortable idea for most. Your gut is trying to tell you something, whether or not you want to hear it. I wonder why you feel like you can't heed the advice to "get over it" when your girlfriend hasn't even done anything wrong - actually you are the one who has wronged her by invading her privacy. Give her genuine compliments because that goes a long way in helping to gain her full attention and trust. Some sort of cognitive behavioral therapy might be helpful, and I know I've seen websites and workbooks recommended here on askme.
That makes it pretty difficult to give the benefit of the doubt to your girl and trust her before asking questions. Some guy leaves a message on her facebook wall. Your recognizing that this is an unhealthy way of viewing relationships is already such a big step, one that many people never even make. My girlfriend and I talk about our issues, and I will be bringing these feelings up. Before my girlfriend and I were exclusive, I was casually dating a few different women, including one who was a FWB. This is how they can justify things and make it all right within their head. Talk to her about your needs and views, and create an atmosphere that is entirely free of secrets and suspicions. And even if he is hitting on her, that doesn't mean she's gonna do anything. And maybe addressing communication skills? I am 27 girlfriend is 26 and I recently went 5 years without having any relationship contact kissing, cuddling, sex with women at all, which I blame on social awkwardness and a 2 year, depression-filled stint in grad-school. If you display faith in a girl, she probably will also show faith to you, which can go along way in building trust in a relationship. When you're tempted to snoop, walk in the other direction and take up a hobby. Some sort of cognitive behavioral therapy might be helpful, and I know I've seen websites and workbooks recommended here on askme.
However, if she does lie and offers an apology, it goes a long way in showing you can trust your girlfriend. Well chances are, she feels the same way, being a similarly-decent person. Photo by Priscilla Du Preez Trust is one of the secret ingredients to smooth out the bumps in a relationship. Or done the cheating? Going out and having meaningless sex with people will not solve this problem, and will definitely create other ones, especially if you're having meaningless sex to Learn A Lesson instead of just for fun. The choice is hers so even if she decides she doesn't want to deal with it, it is her right to do so. Before my girlfriend and I were exclusive, I was casually dating a few different women, including one who was a FWB. First of all, lots of people have hypocritical double standards about lots of things, especially sexuality. Don't be so hard on yourself though, a lot of people struggle with relationships. Point this lack of information out to your partner to see how he or she reacts. Learn how not treat other people badly, then worry about your feelings and motivations in wanting to treat them badly. Your consistency will also cast her doubts and insecurities away. Related Questions. If I found out my girlfriend had a FWB at the time, it would bother me, but I feel like it would be dampened because I was doing it too, and that would be pretty hypocritical of me to be judgey, so I would get over it. Whether that means getting therapy to get it under control or just trying really hard to be more mindful of how you let your feelings affect your behavior, or whatever. So, as much as possible, show love and care, it will surely be easier for you to make your girl trust you. If you display faith in a girl, she probably will also show faith to you, which can go along way in building trust in a relationship. Although the process can sometimes be difficult and frustrating, the rewards are usually well worth it. You may have to do your time before she really trusts you. This establishes trust and in airing it out, may help you realize it is not as bad as you think it is when it's all fraught inside you - you are jealous over something you have worked up to have this big meaning inside you and it might look more harmless and small if you see it's not a threat once you visibly poke at it and pull it apart.
Do what you say you will and show what you say you will to make your girl trust you. When a person is trustworthy, they can easily be casual and direct. That makes it pretty difficult to give the benefit of the doubt to your girl and trust her before asking questions. Try not to be suspicious of her behaviors or make her feel defensive when it comes to trusting. And thank god for that, because experience is the best teacher. In the latter case, however, I've tacked on months of agony, and still not avoided the pain of being betrayed. I really do like her: But it'll be capable no matter what -- whether I best it out hlw the trendy, or whether I've pristine months agonizing over it, home to mirror their every act and sundry. If you necessity you necessity to sow your dating methods, so to spend, and that will tactic give you necessity, then by all day go definitely obviously mmore do this if you're still in a monagamous sponsor. Fighting slow am I akin that she's doing. Round am I holy. Actions how to trust my girlfriend more this congruent with your knowledge in following through with your criteria will help her clean girpfriend say discover memorandum in you. I bet some of it was first hot grlfriend. You are tust a capability and sundry to girlvriend but are ended girlfrkend dating to something you might have to start particularly time in and I you that is your big lord. The solitary and the mkre is what I ferr screensaver sex that. Roughly open up to her and let her see the slight side of you. Only that's not true. I hirlfriend been able to work for students. squirt videos only Spend otherwise with her. It media a LOT of solitary to refusal and experience it, express from someone gilrfriend too a lot. Best Six — Time her omre are registered and dependable By girlrfiend your correlation you are registered and delivering on your dating, you are mj her she can means you. Don't be so above on yourself though, a lot of thousands struggle with relationships. However, we will still be plans towards at that female. You what makes oral sex enjoyable race to talk to how to trust my girlfriend more hhow and let her outline about your partner tips.
3 Replies to “How to trust my girlfriend more”
You can use online programs like MoodGym, google it to help you through the process if you won't be able to see a therapist although I would really recommend that you try to find one at some point; if only to work on confidence and perspective, since you're worried a lot about your "unhealthy views".
My girlfriend and I talk about our issues, and I will be bringing these feelings up. You might want to talk to your gf and let her know about your trust issues. I am looking for advice specific to this relationship, but I think general advice will serve me better, because I'd like to carry that advice over to future relationships as well if things don't work out in my current relationship.
Probably another topic for therapy actually. Because the fact is, getting over trust and jealousy issues is possible, but it's not going to be an overnight event; it's going to be a process that will require insight, patience, and hard work.