On Wednesday night we listened to Kevin Smith answer questions for five hours before we finally couldn’t take it anymore and left.
Now don’t get me wrong — the “it” I couldn’t take certainly wasn’t Kevin himself, because he’s one damn funny man. Rather, what I couldn’t stomach was all the fanboys (and girls) creating some truly awkward moments with their poorly thought out and unrehearsed questions. Now I grant it might be a little obsessive to rehearse a question, but given that you had to plan in advance to buy a ticket in the first place, you might as well plan your damn question in advance too. And I guarentee all these people saw An Evening With Kevin Smith, so I can’t help but wonder if they realized that their poorly thought out questions made them “that guy” that made you squirm while watching the DVD.
Highlights of the evening that I remember were:
- Kevin clearly found the signers on stage novel. Extra funny was that he didn’t notice the first time they swapped, so when he turned and saw a new person sitting there, he was visibly startled.
- The Jewish girl who goes to a Catholic high school in Oakland (because public schools in Oakland = no good). Kevin was fascinated, and was asking her a lot of questions about how that works.
- The guy from New Zealand who sounded like Kermit. Once Kevin pointed out his voice, everyone couldn’t help but laugh every time he tried to finish asking his question. It was kind of mean, but fucking funny. After answering the question, Kevin sang a bit of Rainbow Connection.
- I was amazed by the scope of his potty mouth. It gave me something to strive for.
- Kevin was also amused by the Berkeley/Stanford rivalry, and by the NorCal/SoCal rivalry, and especially amused by the idea of LA stealing “our” water. “Do they really steal your water? I’ve never heard of that before,” he said. “You’re all Californians to me,” he said.
- Apparenly Jason Mewes had sex with 27 women in a month. “If I knew all it took was starting a conversation with ‘How you doin”? and ending it with ‘Snooch,’ I would have been all over that a long time ago.
- Apparently, Jason Mewes is also living clean now, and he’s moved into a house with some other clean living people named “The Falcon’s Nest.”
It took me awhile, but I think I figured out how Kevin deals with the stupid questions:
- Someone paid him a whack of cash.
- He makes a moderate amount of fun of some of the people who ask the really stupid questions, so that’s probably entertaining for him.
- If they’re really stupid, then he can put them on a DVD, in hopes of both making the person feel like a real idiot, and in hopes of having that serve as a warning to dissuade future idiots from asking the same stupid questions.
Clearly 3 doesn’t work in practice, so I guess he has to focus on 1 and 2. I would be curious to hear his internal monologue during the Q&A, though. “Oh damnit, not this question again.” “Oh damnit, this fucker already asked me a question.”
The straw that broke the camel’s back was this: The girlfriend of the guy who asked the first question got into line after her boyfriend asked his question, so it was 4 or 5 hours later that she made it to the front of the line. She asked some stupid question, and then followed it up with a request for a kiss. “What!?” “My boyfriend’s cool with it. He’s sitting right there.” And after she sat down, her boyfriend got back in the line to ask another question.
As it happened, though, we apparently left about 10 minutes before Kevin called it quits, and we missed someone ask him what his favorite bird of prey was. “What, like from the comic book?” he asked. “Wait, did you say you were a falconer?” Heh.