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I was asked to spruce up my Bedazzled review from a couple of days ago so that it could be used elsewhere. I'm leaving the first version in place on the site as a display of what changed. I find comparing early drafts to revised drafts an interesting exercise. Here's the result of the effort:

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"Bedazzled" may just have merely been an excuse to show off how hot Liz Hurley is. Not hot in the fire and brimstone kind of way, but rather, hot in the red leather and red satin and, well, red ANYTHING kind of way. "Yeah, baby, Yeah", you can hear the director saying, "Keep the red coming... Oh Behave!" (No, Austin Powers didn't direct the movie, but you know he wishes he had. You know you wish you had, too.)

In a nutshell, Bedazzled tells the tale of socially inept Elliot Richards, played skillfully through a ridiculous range of rolls by Brendan Fraser. Despite his geekiness, Elliot is a good guy at heart, and like every 'good guy' in a movie role, all he really wants to do is get the girl and live happily ever after. But co-worker Allison, portrayed by Frances O'Conner, doesn't know Elliot exists. Enter the devil in a red dress: the aforementioned Elizabeth Hurley. For the mere cost of his soul, she'll offer him 7 wishes and the chance to get his heart's desire. But of course it doesn't work out.

The comedy in the movie comes from Elliot's loosely worded wishes and the liberty the mischievous devil takes in misinterpreting them. From ending up a "macho," yet thick headed and under-endowed NBA star, to a "rich and powerful" Colombian drug lord, some element of any wish Elliot makes back-fires. This resulted in a movie which was composed of several short set-ups followed by their punch-lines, and little else in the way of comedy. Eventually Elliot tires of the devil's games and wants to back out of his contract, which leads to the mostly un-funny climax.

Though the comedy was a little on the lacking side, I don't mind too much, because Liz Hurley did her job well. She was tricky and mischievous -- she pouted, she flirted, made parking meters expire prematurely, and boy was she easy on the eyes. Fraser and Hurley appear to have have real chemistry in their exchanges, and you'd think with someone that attractive and powerful offering him anything, Elliot would quickly give up on the softspoken Allison. But, like the "good guy" that he is, he proves to be faithful in the end. Sure, the geek doesn't end up with the hot devil, but the devil was hot WHILE the geek didn't end up with her, so it all worked out.

The best parts of the movie are the parts with Liz Hurley, and unfortunately, most of Elliot's side trips into wish wonderland don't involve the devil. I'd say you should wait for the DVD so you can liberally skip the parts that drag, and then this movie would probably be pretty great. While Fraser played the role of "nice guy" well, there wasn't much to his character besides being a "Nice Guy," leaving an attractive and saucy devil like Liz Hurley as this movie's chief asset. The strength of Frasers scenes with Hurley tended to mask the film's other weaknesses which is why this review focused more on The Devil than the Damned.

So last year, when I won a Kern Press Club award, I was a lot surprised. It's not like I was trying to write a good review or anything. So this year, when I won the Kern Press Club Award for Professional Critical Review, I was a little less phased. Though not much. You can read about it at The Californian

"In a riddle whose answer is chess, what is the only forbidden word?"
Jorge Luis Borges, "The Garden of Forking Paths"

Around and about they go. Asked whether they are
faster than a speeding bullet or scarier than a
rolling tolling boiling broiling angry sea,
they say "No." "Who needs the Kwik-E-
mart?" they ask, and continued, "You see,
we have the spirit of the contest, which is a
thing defining who we are."

I am watching the sun come up.
What the fuck am I doing up?

This is what was sent to the Sun and the Californian. In other words, this hasn't been professionally edited, and it could be significantly different in the published form.

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What people really want to learn from Susanna Kaysen's story as it is told in "Girl, Interrupted," is whether or not they are likely to end up in a mental institution like she did. "Girl, Interrupted," tells the tale of Susanna, who, after a brief interview with a retired psychiatrist in the spring of 1967, signs herself into Claymoore, an expensive psychiatric hospital. The appointment with the psychiatrist was made by Susanna's parents after she chased fifty aspirin with a bottle of vodka, which she claims she did because of a headache.

The movie is based on the book of the same name by Susanna Kaysen, in which she tells her true story of how she ended up in a mental hospital. Having read the book some time ago, I was dubious when I heard that a movie would be made. Each chapter of the book is organized around a different theme, and the ideas which Kaysen puts forth aren't necessarily told with reference to specific events that happened while she was institutionalized. This forced the screenplay writer to invent numerous scenes where Susanna delivers important insight in the middle of otherwise boring dialogue.

The episodic feel of the book was surprisingly well preserved in the first half of the movie. Scenes from the book and scenes created for the movie were strung together in an incredibly effective way, which helped to give the viewer a much better feel for Susanna. Winona Ryder does an incredible job of portraying Susanna as a relatively normal eighteen year old girl who too much is expected of. We learn early in the movie that Susanna is the only member of her graduating class who will not be going on to college. Doctors at Claymoore diagnosed Susanna with "Borderline Personality Disorder." After reading aloud from a book the description of a disorder which sounds like the personality of any teenager on the verge of adulthood, Susanna exclaims seriously "Oh, that's me all right!"

The second half of the movie, however, suffers greatly from an attempt to add a plot where there was none. Angelina Jolie does an amazing job of portraying Lisa, who has been at Claymoore for eight years. When the writer decided that the movie needed a villain, it was Lisa who got the nod. Unfortunately, Lisa is a sociopath, which makes her a poor choice for a to be evil, because it's very easy to sympathize with her. A more logical villain would have been the institution which kept Susanna away from Society for a year and a half of her life. Instead of embracing the opportunity to question who decides what normal is, the movie plays this down. When Susanna has an opportunity to escape with her boyfriend to Canada, she chooses to stay with her friends in the institution, and tells him "if they're insane, I'm insane,"

Susanna ultimately leaves on Claymoore's terms, and she is allowed back into the real world. Georgina, played by Clea Duvall, watches "The Wizard of Oz" as Susanna prepares to leave, which offers the suggestion that Susanna was free to leave whenever she wanted. Instead of believing in her sanity, Susanna allows herself to get comfortable in a place where she doesn't have to make any decisions. This idea puts the responsibility for Susanna's predicament squarely in Susanna's lap, which makes it hard for the viewer to feel sorry for Susanna, and makes it hard for anyone to be a villain when the Susanna is doing the worst thing possible to herself.

In the short span of two hours in front of the television recently, I was assaulted by more than 20 references to the coming of "the new millennium" - from countdowns to limited editions. The onslaught seemed endless.

I'm not sure what all the hype is about, considering there are a good 370 days until the beginning of the third millennium of the Common Era.

You see, back around 523 CE, the papal chancellor Bonifatius asked a monk named Dionysius to prepare calculations for the dates of Easter. Instead of continuing the tradition of counting years since the founding of Rome, Dionysius chose instead to number the years since the birth of Jesus.

Dionysius, however, was not a computer scientist and numbered the year in which Jesus was born as the year 1 CE instead of 0. Thus, the year immediately before 1 CE was 1 Before Common Era (BCE).

A millennium is defined as "a span of 1,000 years." Scaling down to a decade, which is 10 years in length, we see that the last year of a decade beginning on year 1 would be year 10, thus making the first year of the following decade year 11. From this example, it is simple to see that the last year of the second millennium is the year 2000, making 2001 the first year of the third millennium of the Common Era.

Unfortunately, Dionysius' calculations as to when Jesus was born were wrong. The Gospel of Matthew says that Jesus was born under the reign of king Herod the Great. Herod the Great died in 4 BCE, which means that Jesus was born in or before 4 BCE.

What this means is that if you were looking forward to celebrating the first year of the third millennium (or the last year of the second millennium) since the birth of Jesus, you've already missed it, because the last chance you had for that was about five years ago.

The first question, then, is why is there such widespread confusion over such a seemingly straight-forward issue? The most obvious answer is the triple zero explanation. The roll-over from 1999 to 2000 looks much more significant than the transition from 2000 to 2001. The multiple zeros have been the source of confusion in the past and led people to celebrate the dawn of the 20th century in both 1900 and 1901.

Compounded with the Y2K computer bug, the triple zeros have set 2000 off as an exceptional year. The beginning of the new millennium is also an exceptional event, and somehow these two exceptional dates have been joined in the minds of the masses as being one and the same.

The second question is why has the modern media made no attempts to correct this commonly held misconception? Back in 1799, the editors of The London Times made it clear to their readers that 1799 was not the last year of the 18th century.

Clearly, times have changed, as not only has no attempt been made by the media to correct the error, but the media has only helped propagate the problem.

Apparently afraid of telling the truth at the risk of contradicting a common misconception and appearing wrong in the eyes of uninformed readers, the media has given up its job of informing and educating the masses.

And this detail scares me more than the misconception itself. If the media can't be bothered with telling the truth, then how can I trust any news I read?

That's not to say that Y2K isn't a big deal. Certainly, the potential failure of countless computer systems and the onset of the last year of the second millennium are not to be belittled. But a few zeros should not be confused with the dawn of the new millennium.

As we enter the last year of the second millennium, however, we should be more aware than ever that the information we assume to be true - be it from the Internet or in newsprint - should be questioned and verified at every turn.

"Oh, that's not right!"
--"Guy Fleegman (Creman number 6)" This review was published in the Kern Valley Sun in January 2000. This the unedited copy, meaning it wasn't copy edited, meaning things might be wrong in here. Sorry.

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``Galaxy Quest'' wasn't meant to be a meaningful or emotional, but merely enjoyable. And in the mission of providing entertainment, ``Galaxy Quest'' succeeded in ways I never expected it to.

The movie opens at GalaxyCon, where fans of the fictional early '80s television show ``Galaxy Quest'' are gathered in worship. There, an alien race known as the Thermians, who have mistaken episodes of ``Galaxy Quest'' as actual ``historical documents'' of the missions of the NSEA Protector and its crew, recruit the actors who played the crew to help the Thermians fight their enemy, Sirrus.

To aid the crew in their mission, the Thermians create an exact replica of the NSEA Protector based on the ``historical documents.'' The operation of this ship is based on the motions of the actors hands as observed in the television show. To further complicate matters, the Thermians don't actually know how to operate the ship. At a critical moment, one Thermian informs Fred Kwan (who played Tech Sergeant Chen on the television show), played by Tony Shalhoub, that ``the operation of the digital conveyer is more art than science.''

It's impossible to watch ``Galaxy Quest'' without drawing parallels between it and the Star Trek world which it is parodying. Tim Allen plays his role of Jason Nesmith with a confidence that immediately reminds the viewer of William Shatner. Meanwhile Alan Rickman plays the ``respected actor'' Alexander Dane, who resents his role of the alien sidekick in much the same way as Leonard Nimoy went through his ``I am not Spock'' phase. Star Trek's classic dispensable crewman is even covered by Guy Fleegman (who was an extra in the television series), played by Sam Rockwell.

While minor characters when compared to Nesmith or Dane, Kwan and Fleegman provide a disproportionate number of the laughs in the movie. Fleegman grows increasingly paranoid of his role as a dispensable character, while Kwan accepts everything he encounters with an amazing calm. Perhaps, then, it's no coincidence that Kwan and Fleegman are teamed up near the end of the movie as the crew scrambles to defeat Sirrus for an absolutely inexplicable scene which has had me laughing for days.

The premise of blurring the distinction between actor and character isn't a novel one, but it has never been executed with such quality as can be found in ``Galaxy Quest.'' There's nothing insightful about the movie, but it's quite enjoyable and provided more than enough laughs for my money.

"But it did happen."

This review was published in the Kern Valley Sun in January 2000. This the unedited copy, meaning it wasn't copy edited, meaning things might be wrong in here. Sorry.

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Strange things happen all the time in ``Magnolia.'' The movie tells the story of one random day in the San Fernando Valley, where a dying father, a young wife, a male caretaker, a famous lost son, a police officer in love, a boy genius, an ex-boy genius, a game show host and an estranged daughter find their lives tangled up with each others in inexplicable ways. These multitudinous characters start the day going about their lives as normal, but by the end of the day have been pulled together by both happenstance and divine intervention.

``Magnolia'' opens with the narration of three short tales of extreme coincidence. The best known of these three is an urban legend which has been circulating on the Internet for several years. Tired of hearing his parents argue, a young man loads the gun with which they threaten each other, in hopes that one of them would kill the other. Several weeks later, the young man attempts suicide by jumping from the top of his apparent building. His attempt would have failed because safety nets had been placed on the side of the building to protect window washers. However, he was killed during his fall by a shotgun blast firing from the window of his apartment, where his parents were arguing and threatening each other with the gun he had loaded a few weeks earlier. These short stories set the stage for a movie about strange events which weave together to form an incredible whole.

The various relationships in the movie include both professional and family. Some professional relationships evolve into more, while certain family relationships are cold and formal. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays Phil, a home nurse, who comes to care for Earl, a dying father, played by Jason Robards, more than his family does. John C. Reilly plays Officer Jim Kurring, a caring man who finds himself making decisions between who needs help and who needs punishment. Tom Cruise plays Frank, Earl's detestable son, who markets seminars teaching men how to ``Seduce and Destroy.''

At three hours in length and with nine major characters, ``Magnolia'' is a lot of movie. There are countless details that might be missed after just one viewing, including subtle (and important) references to Exodus and amusing television ads. Throughout the movie, new hooks are used to pull the audience further into the lives of the characters on screen, while steps are periodically taken to make the audience think that they are watching actual people. When Phil calls an 800 number attempting to get in contact with the now famous Frank, Phil suggests to the operator that if they were in a movie, that would be the part of the movie where the operator helps Frank out. The coincidences which the characters get caught up in also help the audience identify with the characters, as strange coincidences happen all the time. By the time the movie was over, I cared about the characters and what happened to them, which should be the goal for any movie.

After many life changing events for the characters, and just as the day ``Magnolia'' depicts is drawing to an end, the impossible happens. This magnificent scene, which I won't spoil, reinforces the theme that no matter how hard one tries, some things are still beyond human control. When the day is finally over, some of the characters have died while others have found new life, and I found myself wondering how the rest of their twisting lives would go.

"Tossing out punchlines that were never there" -R.E.M., "The Great Beyond"

This review was published in the Kern Valley Sun in December 1999. This the unedited copy, meaning it wasn't copy edited, meaning things might be wrong in here. Sorry.

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I was initially disappointed by Man on the Moon, because it seemed to be a return by Jim Carrey to his old ways. After The Truman Show my impression of Jim Carrey was changed from that of an actor who got laughs by extreme measures to that of an actor whose acting was worthy of praise. But then I realized that not only does Carrey's role of the late Andy Kaufman require such extreme measures, but also that Carrey played that part with a skill worthy of acclaim.

Man on the Moon tells the story of the life of the late Andy Kaufman, who is perhaps best known for his character of Latka on the '80s sitcom Taxi. The movie professes to be a true story, though it also presents us with a warning that certain characters and events have been fictionalized. Numerous people who were involved with Kaufman's career and life had input in the movie, including Kaufman's talent manager George Shapiro, co-Taxi actor Danny Divito, and Kaufman's family.

The movie opens with a young Andy Kaufman putting on shows for the movie cameras which he believed were hidden in his room. The story then leaps forward many years, and we see Kaufman being fired by a bar owner, played by George Shapiro. Kaufman's next performance is on an improvisation stage, where his act relies on the assumption that no comedy is funnier than when it is going wrong. This performance gets Kaufman discovered by the talent manager George Shapiro, played by Danny Devito, and this leads us into the heart of the story.

While Taxi may be what most people best remember Kaufman for, Taxi is by no means the focus of the movie. Taxi is revealed as something which Kaufman didn't want to do in the first place and didn't like doing. In fact, the treatment of Taxi in the movie suggested to me that Taxi wasn't that big of a deal, but it was something that couldn't be left out or ignored.

In place of Taxi, the movie focuses on other events which Kaufman apparently enjoyed more. Of particular note was Kaufman's stunt of wrestling women, which resulted in hatred for Kaufman from every angle. Other notable events in the movie included Kaufman's penultimate performance at Carnegie Hall and Kaufman's alternate persona of the Vegas lounge singer Tony Clifton. Kaufman repeatedly informs us that ``I am not a comedian!'' Kaufman seemingly did the things he did not for the amusement of the audience, but rather for the amusement of himself.

Kaufman's audience is one of the most interesting characters in the movie, and it has a personality of it's own. In most movies, an audience will focus on a particular important character. In Man on the Moon, the important characters are just part of the audience, and you don't realize until afterwards that they are important characters. Kaufman's eventual girlfriend Lynne, played by Courtney Love, emerges from the audience as the first woman he wrestles. Kaufman's friend and writing partner Bob Zmuda, played by Paul Giamatti, is harassed by Kaufman's Tony Clifton; The rest of the audience never found out that Clifton wasn't throwing water on an actual member of the audience, leaving them wondering if they would be next. The reactions from the audience include anger, boredom, amazement, and even laughter.

This biopic of Kaufman presents an enjoyable look at an inexplicable comedian who received at least as many jeers as he did cheers. After a few minutes you forget that you're watching Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman, and sink into believing that you'-re watching Andy Kaufman having fun tormenting his audience.

This review was published in the Kern Valley Sun in December 1999. This the unedited copy, meaning it wasn't copy edited, meaning things might be wrong in here. Sorry.

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With its memorable characters, great story, and ground-breaking computer generated animation, Toy Story was a success in every way. With Toy Story 2, Pixar Animation Studios not only succeeds in again creating a children's movie thatc can be enjoyed by adults, but in surpassing it.

Toy Story is about the toys of a young boy named Andy, and is based on the premise that toys are able to move around and interact with their surroundings and each other independent of humans.

Toy Story 2 relies upon the same basic plot as Toy Story--that of the toys rescuing another toy. Woody, who turns out to be a rare collectable toy, is stolen by a toy collector to be sold to a museum in Japan.

All of the best characters from Andy's toy chest are back from the first movie, with the addition of a few new characters. Jessie the yodeling cowgirl is introduced as Woody's female counterpart, while Buzz Lightyear's arch nemesis Zerg is perhaps one of the funniest new characters in the movie.

Zerg is a clever parody of Darth Vader of Star Wars fame, and no opportunity to exploit that is wasted. Other incredibly amusing elements of the movie include a scene lifted straight from Jurassic Park and a cameo from the short ``Geri's Game'' which was included as part of Pixar's last film, A Bugs Life.

In addition to the laughs, however, the movie also features some highly emotional content which brought a tear to my eyes. In a scene which can only be completely appreciated by a person who has left childhood behind, Jessie reminisces about her previous owner Emily, who carelessly discarded Jessie under the bed as she grew up. Later in the movie, Buzz comments that ``You never forget kids, but they forget you.''

Back in 1995, the 81 minutes of fully computer generated animation in Toy Story was unimaginable, and the quality of that animation set incredibly high standards for all future computer animated movies to live up to. Since then, numerous computer animated movies have come along, each introducing new visual tricks, making the 92 minutes of animation in Toy Story 2 nothing new. However, the quality of the animation from Pixar continues to be amazing, and is easily the best animation found in a movie yet.

It's the subtle details which really make the animation in Toy Story 2 shine. From the scratches and scuffs on Buzz's plastic finish to the realistic textures found in the face of Big Al the toy collector, it's clear that Pixar's animation process has been highly polished over the years. A widespread effect is the clear reflective wrapping in which numerous toys in the movie are wrapped.

Toy Story 2 tops the climactic sequence of the first movie early, and saves the truly amazing action sequences for the end. A car chase followed by an escape from an airplane preparing to take off reaffirm what Toy Story showed four years ago--that computer animation is capable of creating beautiful pictures which tell a good story with memorable characters.

This appeared in the Bakersfield Californian in the fall of 1996. I'll get the exact date for you some day. The text below is exactly was the story was printed. Rereading this, there are a lot of things I would have said differently, but that's to be expected. Oh well.

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About the only shortcoming of Mono Puff's debut album, "Unsupervised," is its lack of music. At just over 30 minutes, the album ends somewhat abruptly.

Mono Puff is a trio fronted by John Flansburgh of They Might Be Giants, and includes Hal Cragin of The Iggy Pop Band and Steve calhoun of Skeleton Key. Flansburgh formed Mono Puff in 1995 with an admirable goal "to spread a little sunshine into the world."

The album opens with "Guitar Was The Case," a guitar duel between Flansburgh and Mike Viola of the Candy Butchers. This track shows off Mono Puff's instrumental power by not only letting Flansburgh show off his guitar, but it also gives the rhythm section a chance to show off what they can do.

The title track, "Unsupervised, I Hit My Head," can be interpreted in several ways. As Flansburgh says, "I wrote this as an anthem for the under caffeinated."

The first single of the album, "The Devil Went Down to Newport (Totally Rocking)" features clever lyrics and Mike Viola playing his totally rocking guitar. This song was originally recorded in demo form by The Clamdiggers.

Flansburgh's cultural references include the television show "Dr. Kildare," Ska mix tapes and "Doc" Ellis, the only known baseball player to pitch a no-hitter on LSD.

"To Serve Mankind," named after a classic episode of "The Twilight Zone," uses voice samples recorded one note at a time in the late '60s. These voice samples, played back over a machine called a melotran, are employed by Flansburgh to create what sounds like someone yodeling slowly in the shower.

The one true ballad on the album, titled "Don't I Have the Right?" is sung, beautifully, by Nancy Lynn Howell. It would figure that Flansburgh describes this song as "a radical departure, even for this record."

Flansburgh seems to have had no other intention with Mono Puff other than amusing himself. Although sometimes annoying, his shotgun approach to music does have its merits.

With several tracks that Flansburgh previously recorded, and a few covers, Mono Puff probably won't be a hit. More clever than deep, Flansburgh's songs are just fun to listen to.

They might not be Dr. Spock's backup band, but Mono Puff might just succeed in spreading a little sunshine into the world.

This appeared in the Bakersfield Californian in the fall of 1996. I'll get the exact date for you some day. The text below is exactly was the story was printed. Rereading this, there are a lot of things I would have said differently, but that's to be expected. Oh well.

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They Might Be Giants has proven that not everything in the "Factory Showroom" has to be shiny and new to sell.

"James K. Polk," originally released as a B-side in 1990, now appears on the band's newest album in a more polished form. This old-song-made-new about our 11th president is a wonderful illustration of the band's progression. When first released, the song was around the edges but now it has become a solid history--complete with a singing saw.

"I Can Hear You" is a new song made old. It was recorded at the Edison Historic Site on a Wax Cylinder from 1890, sans electricity. while its quality may not be up to today's standards, it definately deserves a place among the album's better tracks.

Over the years, They have written lots of songs that seem to about nothing. The songs on their newest album, "Factory Showroom," are no different. Their subject matter now includes high school chorus class, Advil, metal detectors, New York City and a song about singing like a girl.

To prove that They are hopelessly trapped in a world of pop culture references, They wrote "XTC vs. Adam Ant," which is about an imaginary rivalry between the two bands from the early '80s. Despite its slight overuse of a violin this song is one of the best on the album.

While the album contains much that is similar to previous work, the opening track "S~E~X~X~Y" is quite different. As They put it, "'S~E~X~X~Y' is a pretty big departure, even for us, as it is our first ode to getting it on."

Also included is a hidden track on the CD. The difference between this hidden track and most hidden tracks on other albums is where They hid it. They indexed "Token Back to Brooklyn" at track one, negative one minute and three seconds--not where most people generally look for a song.

The entire album is not only fun listening, but is also excellent music. At the very least, this album could help you pass your history class.