Reading the text of Bush's speech, I just realized that it's easier for me to believe that conservatives are just fucking with liberals, than it is for me to believe that conservatives actually believe what they're saying. That's how much I can't relate to them.
My favorite proposal is this: The first amendment forbids congress to make laws based on religion, but marriage is an institution based in religion in the first place. Therefore, the government should have nothing to do with marriage, and instead only deal in civil unions. Go get married at your church, if that's what you want.